Carols hypnotize! Cover your ears!
Halloween is the best time of the year. Period.
In Christmas, I only get to become Saint Nick. Not that everybody isn't Saint Nick with or without the jiggly red satin wrapped belly, the unruly beard, and the inevitable hoe-hoe-hoe-camel-toe spill. It's a fact: we all get under the hypnotic spiel of the sadly sang carols, the repetitive and characteristically poorly-constructed rhyming lines, the plight of its long-dead characters, of giving unless you want to be left out since it is after all a season of giving and only giving. Not just taking as taking does not count. Giving! So give!
Give for your chakras to pulsate, for your hair to naturally flow, for your scalp to not have dandruff for all eternity, for you to have a great career in front of you despite you screwing up your previous 17, for your babies to grow up within the path of the just, for you to not grow bald at earlier than 60, for you to still get a raging hard-on at 70 by natural means, and for you to sustain it for more than 2 hours if need be.
It's the season for your folly, um, or was it fanny, or did that go like, um, sex... nevermind!
The songs. The carols. They're the real culprit. Their real message reverberate at a low frequency, not noticeable to most human auditory senses, saying buy all the crappy little paper caddies, paper-clip dispensers, coffee mugs, coaster sets, magnets, pens, photo frames, this-book-belongs-to-the-library-of-blank stickers, 3-for-P100 hankies, lighters, note-pads, personal pocket diaries, mouse pads, fancy earrings, yada, yackity-yack, yada. And yes, your peers might not even use them but it IS the season of giving. The carols do not whisper give something meaningful and close to your heart and something which you think they would actually need! No. It merely said give. So give we'll do.
We do it year in and out. In a vicious cycle we can't seem to get our asses off from. We do it because the carols say so! Believe me! The next time you go into a store and start hearing some in-or-outro to a supposed subliminal song, hum a track, say a rock song, or, if you are keen enough, fish out those mp3 player earphones from your pockets and crank up the volume to anything at all! Even those lame emo songs! Anything to keep those waves from planting seeds of purchase-inducing thoughts into your pitiful mind!
Trust me on this. For the love of everything you consider to be true and of pure intentions. Do. Not. Listen. To. The. Carols.
Period.
Labels: Humor, Opinions, Vertigo
posted by Fritz @ 11:10 AM
:
oh but this year is going to be different!!!!
DIF-FER-ENT!
And you will lead the "singing", believe you me!
:),
excited
Walang kanta-kanta galing sakin unless it's them rock songs I'ma called for to sing!
'Tis the season to be jolly, Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire Jack Frost nipping at your nose...
Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum.
Ayos naman sila pakinggan ha? Bigyan kita ng gift, compilation ng Christmas carols. Ilan gusto mo?
puros mahihina! hindi talagang joyous. parang may undertow of cynicism. hehehe.
bah humbug!
.
Omg fritz! You don't know what you're saying! The Big Guy's already making the list, checking it twice. He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice.
I pray you be good till next month. Or else!
Steel, I was born an angel. I can't ever be bad. Said those because I know Santa's monitoring everything I write. Darnit.
kuya, that was soooo bad... ma cancel nga ang ichimatsu..
what stuff do you usually sing anyway?
Hahaha! If I answer, it would be as though I always do this shit in from of a live audience. That or I regularly sing in events or similar venues, which is not the case. Frankly, I just sing to have fun. As for the genre, it's regularly rock/alternative now.
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