A very stupid conversation

Though I have had the most opportune time of talking for plus-minus three score minutes (that translates to thirty minutes to you, Tootsie) to a great friend at a time when I felt so vulnerable, small, and helpless, I have realized that the greatest of conversations could only peak up if you choose who to talk to, most importantly if you'd want to get some helpful opinions from the supposedly intellectual exchange.

For instance, I had been racking my brain recently with a decision on whether or not to give in to a somewhat long standing struggle that has been going on with the personalities residing inside my head in finally getting myself a 60GB iPod. Now, the decision is not of the lame kind that may concern whether to get a white one or a black one because my mind has already been conditioned on the black one, it being the result of a personalities-inside-my-head poll held recently where those in favor of black won 17 to 2. I had initially planned on getting an iPod after I get my very own iBook or laptop, whichever comes first, because, as surprising as this may sound to most, I do not own a computer. Yet. All I have is my Pocket PC. Yes, ladies and gentlemen of the known world, apart from the Windows Mobile, I'm only a proud owner of a 512 Mb USB flash drive which practically temporarily hosts my files if it's awaiting to either be transferred to my office PC (as in the case of those music files I have painstakingly searched via the most reliable download manager there is that's luckily installed in every terminal of my favorite internet cafe who, by the way, boasts of having the fastest data transfer rate at 10Mbps) or the internet (when it's time for me to upload those photos for blog or Friendster purposes).

Going back to my story, there I was, holding a smallish piece of paper from the local Apple store containing the specs and price of all the iPods that are currently out in the market. Note that for an impulsive buyer of 6 years, not coming up with a firm decision 24 hours after the sudden urge to buy could already seem like an eternity of pain and suffering likened to listening to and watching Jose Marie Chan sing "Beautiful Girl" for 30 minutes straight in a viewing room while tied to a seat and left with no choice whatsoever of whether or not to watch and hear it because you can not not look and listen (imagine that mole on his forehead and that I'm-just-so-fucking-pleased-with-singing-this-song-that-I-can't-bear-to-be-pleased-with-it-alone look on his receding hairlined face from 15 years ago).

Again, going back, know what, I just realized that I'm so good at stalling that, at the rate I'm going, I feel like I could stall my own death from that old scythe-wielding, black-cloaked bloke.

Where was I? Oh, I was holding the Apple paper (which, by the way, was hand-picked together with the pack of pickled pepper by no other than good old Peter Piper XI, direct descendant to Peter Piper himself, who, if I might add, is a proud member of the congregation of 19 personalities residing inside my head) when the following verbal exchange transpired between me and a friend:

ME: I intend on getting me an iPod but I'm restraining myself because I do not yet own a laptop or a PC (I was keen on not mentioning the term iBook because I might just end up getting into a debate on the pros and cons of an iBook vs a Windows-run peripheral which could get rather bloody).

Dick (not the real name): Can't you use the PCs in the internet cafe to transfer your files?

ME: I'd need a software (referring to iTunes) and it has to be installed onto the terminal and that would mean syncing my files but I don't want to share the tracks I have, I'm sorry. It would also be a hassle to always install the program every time I use a different terminal.

Dick: Can't you download your songs via the internet?

ME: Getting the songs is a different process altogether vis-a-vis transferring your files onto the iPod (insert I-think-you're-stupid stare here).

Dick: Oh... So what kind are you planning on getting?

ME: I've got several options right here (handing stupid-asshole the Apple paper)

Dick: You should have gone to Abenson's (a local appliance and electronics shop) for iPods. You could get one on installment arrangement from there.

ME: That thing you are holding, old Padawan, happens to be from the Apple Center, read: a legitimate iPod dealer. They also apparently give out a 0% interest deal on 12-month installment purchases.

Dick: (while looking at the paper) What mobile phones do they sell?

ME: (already really sorry to have started the conversation) Nope, no mobile phones, just Macs and iPods.

Dick: (looking at the list) What do you plan on getting?

ME: The 60GB iPod Video.

Dick: What? Just two hours battery life?! That's stupid!

ME: I think you are looking at charging-the-battery-up time. Read the headers, please (sarcastic tone).

Dick: (now apparently reading the storage capacity specs) Right. Where could you get 15,000 songs? I mean, I can't even come up with 1,000 tracks which is why, if ever I'd get an iPod, I'd probably go for the Shuffle.

ME: (pissed) With 512Mb and an I'm-so-very-much-a-sissy form factor? You are talking to Mr. Audiophile here who happens to have an appreciation for about a dozen and one genres of music! That's a baker's dozen to you, Margaret! I even have more than a hundred J-Pop songs whose language I honestly do not understand at all!

Dick: So what else does it do other than play tracks? Would it make calls and have a calendar function? Sony Ericsson phones could play media files, make calls, text
messages, and have a calendar function!

ME: (playing along) How much internal phone memory does your SE have? Let say, um, 256Mb?

Dick: (feeling so good about himself that he is about to tell me some brand new, never-before-heard-of information, in an as a matter of factly tone) It has a small disk, thus expanding the unit's internal memory.

ME: (with the smart-ass look now) and how much memory could the highest capacity SD card now have?

Dick: ...

ME: 512Mb? 1GB? 2GB?

Dick: (in hush-tones) I don't know...

ME: It's 2GB (delivered in a don't-play-smarty-pants-and-go-telling-me-stuff-about-SD-card-memory-capacity-because-I-eat-and-breathe-SD-card-specs-for-a-living way, and rather nonchalantly, which also proves the fact that he does not know shit on SE phones only accepting MS-Duo cards. Hah!). And to answer your previous question, iPods right now also happen to already have a calendar function.

Dick: They do?! If I were you, I'd get the 30GB since those stuff get obsolete so fast. You may get a better model next time. Tsk, technology just happens in a blur. Just take a look at mobile phones.

ME: Gracey, you are comparing a Nokia to an iPod which, while they are both portable and light-weight gadgets, are really not apples-to-apples when we talk about time frame of obsolescence.

Dick: (still clueless that his ego had just been spat on, poured over by a generous coating of super glue, and sprinkled with a container van full of bird-feathers) I agree. My girlfriend bought an 8850 phone about 5 years ago and she still uses it. That's how durable it is.

ME (think): WHAT THE FUCK?!

ME (say): Oh, as I passed by the mall, my phone unit costs as much as O2's much newer model, the XDA2s, at 48k! Three years later, man!

Dick: Wise decision on the purchase!

ME: Oh (seeing an great moment to escape the dumb exchange, I turn towards the TV), I like this episode of Scrubs (now holding the remote and jacking the volume up so loud, my already sleeping neighbors could have all been roused simultaneously from their reverie).

[Cue Scrubs opening theme intro: I can't do this all on my own... No, I'm no... I'm no superman]

posted by Fritz @ 12:00 AM