Mind the Kids

Here's a short list of what are most essential in raising kids up in a more wholistic way, IMHO. The following enumeration is not in any way connected to a specific study or anything similar, nor are they itemized in any sort of hierarchy. I'm no pediatrician. I'm no parent. But I had been a kid once. We all have. Some items here are my regrets, something I have not had, but something which I think is simple in execution yet powerful in impact. I'd do these in the future when my time comes to rear my own kids. Please note that most adults harbor grudges towards their parents on something which happened in their formative years through adolescence, as experienced by either friends, acquaintances, or even myself. For the parents, please take time to read. Just skip the parts which you think are crappy or inappropriate. For me, personally, they are important which is why it found its way onto my list. As parents, again, for those who already are parents, you'll know better because you are already there, while I'm still, um, nowhere. Some of the stuff may entitle cost so improvise if need be.

A Must-do List:

1. Bring them pasalubong when you go home from work. I remember fondly the aratilis or halo-halo my Nanay would bring us home. It gave us something to look forward to. Actually, anything would count as something special for a kid with little and simple expectations.
2. Buy them at least one great toy that is very much "in" at the moment of purchase. Do reiterate, however, the importance of the "reward" for a task or feat done well.
3. Let the children play with other kids in your neighborhood. It builds confidence and social skills.
4. Be proud of them with friends, family, and relatives even if they are not at earshot.
5. Listen to what their ambitions and aspirations are. If they have talent in the arts, for example, enroll them in schools to hone their potential.
6. Let them learn how to swim and ride a bike at the youngest age possible. Have a professional teach them if needed.
7. Hug them as often as possible. It makes kids feel secure.
8. Talk to them as though they are already grown-ups. No bullshits. They are bound to find the truth up in time, anyway.
9. Give them as much space as you can for them to take a shot at making their own decisions. At a moderated level, this will heighten their awareness on consequences vis a vis their self-controlled actions.
10. Make time just for them. Never tell them, "honey, I'm busy," or "baby, I have no time for this," as it will scar them for life. Your attention for a fraction of a minute might be all that they would require for a single pangungulit.
11. Kiss them goodnight even if you get home to find they are already asleep. Chances are, they will remember that you did even if they've grown up.
12. Take them to the zoo.
13. Make them believe in Santa Claus for as long as you can keep the secret. It gives them a reason to stay good and well behaved.
14. Buy them good rubbershoes even if they are not inclined at sports.
15. Let them bring their friends over at your house. Encourage friends sleeping over from time to time. It will keep you aware of the company they keep.
16. When they read, tell them to not delve on too much science fiction stuff. If they do insist, make sure that they understand that these are just made up and may not become real in the near or distant future.
17. Kids are helpless when they are sick. They can't express the pain that they feel as most of them do not yet have advanced self-assessment skills (as some adults I know still don't). Make them feel comfortable, as much as possible.
18. If you can, ask how their day went and share how yours have gone. Encourage interaction.
19. Tell them you love them. Verbally. Face to face. And mean it. Even children could tell fake emotions from really heartfelt ones.
20. Be aware of their family activities being held in school. Attend.
21. Try, as much as possible, not to be a source of embarrassment to them by doing stuff which would seem for you to be normal but utterly embarrassing for them. I can't remember what these are but your kids would know, so ask them.
22. Praise them for trying out a new endeavor, like when they take a first shot at drawing, playing an instrument, reading, gardening, or simply taking good care of a pet. It will help them believe in the capacity that they have within themselves.
23. Should you notice a shift in their behaviour, ask if something is wrong or if they feel strongly about anything. Kids would almost always not open up when not asked. A grown-up's perspective is like a pleasant symphony in the heart of a troubled child. Soothing and comforting. It will strengthen your bond in the years to come.

My childhood was wonderful. I don't have grudges towards my parents. At times I just felt bad but it's nothing unforgivable. I just rationalized the circumstances and that made it bearable. I think I am lucky because not all people could rationalize and learn to accept as easily.

I'd add, "let them watch Sesame Street," but I don't know if this program is still being aired.

The two doodles were done by my little cousin, Denden, when I went home last December, on my PDA. She's 4.

posted by Fritz @ 5:35 AM